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Journey
to Parenthood (
Cost
of Parenting
Decision
to become parent is a challenging one. It has a pleasant
Adventure on the one hand and it carries physical, psychological
and financial cost on the other. Raising up children
is a costly business, educationally and socially. Having
a child is an achievement and no achievement can be
gained without some pain. With money, sweat and toil
man prepares for parenthood and raises some one who
demands his place in the family, in the society. What
is pleasant about it? Self-seeking, individualist people
will find hard to take this on board, to have children.
Even if they decide to have, they cannot afford more
than one or two, no matter whether they are super rich
or not. Glamorous, high-society women with extreme feminist
outlook of life will find pregnancy costly to their
health and social position.
A
Question to think about
: How can raising up children be both
rewarding and painful?
Expectation
from Children
Why
do people want children? Some look for solace in their
loneliness? Some want to show off with their strength
and social position. Some want to immortalise themselves
and live longer in their children. Some people want
children so that they can be looked after in their old
age. Muslims crave for children for the meaningful continuity
of life. Righteous children are the essential investments
for their parents in the grave.
A
Question to think about
: "Some want to immortalize themselves
and live longer in their children". What does the author
mean by this statement.
Biological
Fulfilment
Children
are the fruit to married life. During puberty young
men and women attain required fitness for biological
reproduction. It is a natural phenomenon with physiological
and emotional demand. The urge for reproduction is an
animal instinct. What matters most is human dimension,
i.e., the responsibility and accountability attached
to parenting.
Joy
in Sex : A Process not the End
Procreation
is for human continuity. Everything in nature is created
in pairs (al-Qur'an 78:8) with a view to maintaining
this continuity till the end of the world. Pleasure
in sex is a bonus from Allah and needs to be seen with
gratitude rather than abuse. Sexual gratification with
no gratitude to Allah does not befit man's position
on earth.
A
Question to think about
: "The urge of reproduction is an animal
instinct". Is that all? How should a muslim view the
pleasure of sex?
Prepare
before you Embark
In
Islam, physical, emotional and psychological preparedness
and willingness to become parent is important to embark
on the journey to becoming parents. Matured understanding
and sense of responsibility are essential in parenting.
Islam prefers early marriage for many reasons. Teen-age
pregnancy is a fearsome phenomenon, albeit for economic
reasons, in the West, especially in Britain, where the
number is highest in Europe. Occasional news that 'under-age'
(as low as twelve years!) old girls becoming mothers
create sensation, but they are known to be the result
of pre-marital sex, even after heightened advertisement
of 'safe sex'. The 'condom culture' is having its toll.
Support from those, close in the family
circle, is vital for the journey to parenthood. Arrival
of a new member in the family needs extra preparation
and amenities, but one should not wait for a 'perfect'
financial or social condition. Reliance on Allah solves
many problems. Minimise the financial and other difficulties
through hard work and look for Allah's blessings.
A
Question to think about
: What balance has to be achieved when
preparing for parenthood? Does instinct play a role
in that?
Confident
Start and Good Planning
Stepping
into the road to parenthood is a unique journey, very
new for the first baby. But natural instinct teaches
everyone how to cope and succeed. It needs insight and
an open and exploratory mind. People learn from seeing
others and make good planning ahead.
Conception
and Beyond
Conception
is an accident, planned by Allah and the process of
reproduction is complex. Divine mercy is observed in
every stage of pregnancy. The life in the womb is a
linkage between the world of spirit and the world of
earthly life. All men made a clear covenant with their
Lord before coming to this world (al-Qur'an 7:172).
Verily
the creation of each one of you is brought together
in his mother's belly for forty days in the form of
seed, then he is a clot of blood for a like period,
then there is sent to him the angel who blows the breath
of life into him and who is commanded about four matters:
to write down his means of livelihood, his life span,
his actions and whether happy or unhappyâ?¦ (al-Bukhari
and Muslim).
A
Question to think about
: How accurately does Islam describe the
process of conception and birth?
Boy
or Girl?
One
should not pin hope on the expected gender of the baby.
Decision comes from Allah. The mother of Mariam (AS)
expected a male child, but Allah rewarded her with Mariam
(al-Qur'an 3:36). Islam has a holistic view of life.
Men and women have distinctive role in the successful
management of the earth. They are neither opposed, nor
unequal, but complimentary. Extreme feminism is disgracing
women by trying to artificially change their gender
role.
A
Question to think about
: Why should a muslim parent try to have
no preference in the gender for his child?
Baby
in the womb
Watch
out what the baby does in the tiny space of mother's
womb? It is interesting how modern science has shed
some light on it. Babies hear their mothers' heartbeat
and voice, they kick and stretch. The burden of pregnancy
is enormous on the mother. Mothers cannot even sleep
when the babies are in the mood of playing. Rest, good
food, mental peace are essential for the healthy growth
of the baby. What about the spiritual food, eg, sacred
and positive thinking, reciting Qur'an, offering prayers,
giving charity, making supplication for he baby, etc?
Whatever mothers say, do or think has bearing on the
ever-alert tiny creature in the womb. In any case, after
four months of conception the baby is a human being,
not mere a lump of flesh.
A
Question to think about
: Why does a pregnant mother has to be
increasingly careful about her own actions?
Need
for Healthy Pregnancy
Sharing household and others jobs with husband is crucial
for successful pregnancy. Pregnancy and delivery are
physically costly and emotionally demanding. As such,
extra support is vital. Unusual anxiety or physical
exhaustion can have adverse effect on the mother and
baby and even terminate pregnancy. Children are trusts
from Allah, so both the couple need to plan pragmatically,
especially in the last days of pregnancy when uncertainty
and anxiety tend to creep in. Labour pain is traumatic
and needs Allah's special blessing to overcome. Reliance
on Allah is the key and supplication is the medicine.
A
Question to think about
: What kind of extra support is needed
by a pregnant woman?
Mother's
Position in Islam
As
a result of all these physiological and psychological
burdens on the mothers, Islam has placed mothers in
the highest position of respect. "Paradise lies at the
feet of your mother" (Sunan an'Nasa'i). Mothers can
earn paradise by carrying out their jobs diligently.
A
Question to think about
: Discuss the implications of: " Paradise
lies at the feet of your mother"
Family
Planning or Planned Family?
In
Islam children are treated as gifts from Allah and as
such the concept of 'unwanted child' does not exist.
Ultimate plan for all things in the world is in Allah's
hand. A Muslim is pleased with Allah's will, even though
it does not fit in his plan. The concept of contraception
for just pleasurable and 'safe sex' does not match with
the spirit of Islam. They are the recipes for sensual
and promiscuous life. Contraception is permitted in
only special circumstances.
To
rear up children properly and to look after mother's
health, genuine space between children is not only acceptable,
but advisable. Building of Islamic personality among
children is a divine obligation. To ignore this is sinful
to parents and fatal for the ummah.
A
Question to think about
: Can you think of some "special circumstances"
under which contraception would be permitted?
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