Thu 31 July 2014
4 Shawwaal 1435 AH  



LECTURES

Man is in Loss

Parenting

Building Personality

Muslim Personality

Marriage

Muslim Family


Ingredients of a Blessed Family

Journey to Parenthood

A New Arrival in the Family

Infancy and Pre-school Nursing

School Exposure

Adolescence

Issues of Social Ills


new lectures to follow...


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A New Arrival in the Family (Click here for multiple questions on this Lecture)

A Difficult but Fulfilling Process

A Muslim's every act is an ibadah (servitude to Allah). What else could be more rewarding than helping create and welcoming a new servant of Allah on earth? Nine months may not be that much, but for a baby in the womb it brings the end of an extraordinary stage of his journey. It is a journey through which an impure 'spurting fluid' (al-Qur'an 86:6) is fashioned in the safe lodging of mother's womb (al-Qur'an 23:12-14) and grows bigger and bigger to become a 'human being'. As the human being is not meant to be confined in a tiny space, he needs a wider physical world in order to go through the process of 'test and tribulation' for which he is destined.

A Question to think about : According to the Quran, how important is the stage of the child being in the mother's womb and what bearing does it have on the human being's life?

The Birth

The birth of a baby is a mixture of anxiety, excitement and expectation. For mothers it is a fulfilling experience. Allah has given in them unusual resilience strength and courage to bear the burden and discomfort. A new life in their lap is a dream coming true for both the parents. It is the ultimate experience for a couple of 'togetherness", both working in unison to bring a new creature into the world.

Although parenthood is a matter of preparedness from the time one plans to marry, birth initiates the 'real world' experience of parenting. Labour is a traumatic and painful physical, as well as psychological, experience for a woman. For many husbands it may be hard to watch their beloved one in pain, but their presence has soothing effect on their partners. It reduces anxiety and provides a feeling of security to wives when most needed. The shared experience creates deeper bond between the couple in their common goal to serve Allah.

A Question to think about :"The shared experience creates deeper bond between the couple." In your view, what are the ways in which a husband can support his wife during birth? Show how each way can strengthen the bond between them.

Islamic Customs on Birth of a Child

The comfort and safety of the baby suddenly shatters in the new unknown world. The new born (al-mawlood, pl-mawalid) cries out. The Sunnah of the Prophet teaches that when a baby is born he needs to be cleansed and dressed. A male adult, father or some one close in the family, should recite adhan (ritual call for collective prayer) in the right ear and iqamah (ritual announcement for starting the prayer) in the left ear. In the world of spirit man declared his instinctive readiness to accept Allah as his Lord (al-Qur'an 7:172). The first sound to reach a baby's ear should thus be the declaration of Allah's greatness, so that the sound always reverberates in his memory and settled in his soul. It is mentioned in a hadith that devil runs away by the sound of the adhan.

The mother of the faithful Ayesha (RA) mentioned, "I saw the prophet give adhan in the ear of al-Hussein ibn Ali when his mother, Fatima, gave birth to him". (Ahmad, Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi).

When a child was born in a family, Ayesha (RA) would not ask whether it was a
boy or girl, rather she would ask "is it complete and sound?" so, if she was
told that it was, she would say, "all praise and thanks for Allah, Lord of
all creation". (Bukhari)

It is an excellent practice to give a bit of small chewed date to the baby,
so that he starts his life with sweetness.

Ayesha (RA) said "new born children used to be brought to Allah's messenger
and he would supplicate for blessing for them and rub a chewed date upon his
palate" (Muslim, Abu Dawud).

Muslims parents have instinctive dua (supplication) for their new-born. The
supplication by Mariam's (AS) in this regard is unique mother (al-Qur'an
3:36).

Arrival of a child in a family is a glad tiding that needs to be conveyed and
shared (al-Qur'an 3:39, 37:101).

A Question to think about : Give a pointwise list of things to do (as reflected by the sunnah) after the child is born. Show the order of precedence and comment on the significance of each action.

Islamic Customs in the first Week of a Child

"Every child is held in pledge for his aqiqa which is sacrificed for him on
his seventh day and he is named on it and his head is shaved" (Ahmad and Abu
Dawud).

Names should be linked with his father (al-Qur'an 33:5). Names have to be
meaningful. Praiseworthy names are those which mean slaves of Allah or His
attributes, the Prophets and the pious people.

"The most beloved of your names in the eye of Allah, the Mighty and
Magnificent, are Abdullah and Abdur Rahman" (Muslim).

Names should not be such which are disapproved or forbidden by the Prophet.

Whoever has a child born to him and wishes to offer a sacrifice then let him
sacrifice two sheep for a boy and a single sheep for a girl. (Abu Dawud and
Nasa'i)

With the child there is aqiqa, so spill blood for him and remove the harm
from him (Bukhari, Ahmad, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi)

When al-Hasan was born, he (messenger) said to her (Fatima) : shave his head
and give the weight of his hair in silver to the poor. So, she shaved off his
hair, weighed it and its weight was a dirham or a part of dirham. (Ahmad and
al-Baihaqi)

The fitrah (the natural way) is five : circumcision, shaving the private
parts, trimming the moustache, clipping the nails and plucking hair from the
armpits (Bukhari, Muslim) Circumcision is better on the 7th day.

A Question to think about : There is indeed great wisdom in the Islamic customs in the first week of a child. Can you find points that justify this statement.

Sons and Daughters to be Treated Equally

The gender of a child should not bother parents. After all, it is divine
will. Sons and daughters must be treated equally. In pre-Islamic Arab and
some other societies daughters were the symbol of embarrassment and were
treated in shameful manner to the extent that some Arab fathers buried them
alive. It is an irony that many societies even today do not welcome the birth
of daughters in the same way they do with sons.

Whoever takes care of two girls until they reach adulthood he and I will stay
on the Day of Resurrection - and he interlaced his fingers (Muslim).
Prophet's behaviour with his daughter Fatima was exemplary.

A Question to think about : Can you think of reasons why, even today, many societies do not welcome the birth of daughters?

The Demand from the Newborn Babies

The demand from the newborn babies is continuous and tremendous. Mothers
should be in the forefront in making sure that the baby is clean, well-fed,
loved and protected. Breast-milk is the perfect food for human babies. The
physical touch of the baby with the mother during breastfeeding creates
exhilarated relationship between the two. This is the root of life-long love
between a mother and a child.

Newborn babies are fully dependent on adults. The only way they can
communicate is crying when they are hungry or uncomfortable and smiling when
they are happy. Their hands and feet participate in their action. Babies like
to be rocked and talked to. The excellent practice for parents is to recite
the Qur'an for them.

A Question to think about : The child is completely dependent on his parents. Suggest ways in which parents can make sure that they are always aware of the child's needs and fulfill them.

What about other Children?

A newborn baby naturally gets all the attention in a family. Older brothers
and sisters can feel a little bit left out. The youngest one, who had
probably so far monopolised parental attention, can be confused or jealous.
Parents have to be sensitive on this. It is just a matter of time when things
settle down and the brothers and sisters learn to accommodate themselves to
create a lifelong relationship.

Passing on the Trust of Faith

Holding a baby in the arms is one of the most emotionally fulfilling
experiences in life. Watching a baby grow and thrive is most rewarding.
Getting to know a new born baby in the first few days and weeks is also a
thrilling experience which reaches far beyond just caring for his daily
needs. The baby learns about his parents, the family and the surroundings. It
is an unforgettable time for the whole family watching a tiny person making
sense of the world around him. In this process parents also get more matured
and responsible in life. It is an interactive dynamic process.

Children are a source of vigour to the heart, joy to the souls and pleasure
to the eyes. Wealth and children are adornments to human beings (al-Qur'an
18:47) which allure them toward worldly life. Many forget the role of proper
upbringing their children because of the intense love for them. Parents are
for the protection and physical care of their children. Time is the
invaluable gift parents can give to their children. On top of everything,
Muslim parents are in obligation to pass on the amanah (Trust) of faith to
their children from the very young and tender age, so that they can grow with
balanced Muslim personality. Only then they can bear witness to the Truth
before mankind in the future.

A Question to think about : "In this process parents also get more matured and responsible in life." Expand on this by showing what aspects of the parents' character improve. Also show how children can allure human beings toward worldly life.