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Ingredients
of a Blessed Family (
Family,
the bedrock of human civilisation, is a sacred institution
and as such it needs to be universally preserved. It
should not only be defended robustly, but promoted with
passion and conviction. In the midst of global 'anti-family'
crusade by a powerful group in the developed countries
the challenge has become all the more important. The
promotion or rejection of family values is linked to
the perception of life on earth and the role of man
and woman in human destiny. Those who have firm belief
in divine revelation can not conceive of weakening the
family structure. Happy family brings a sense of belonging,
anchor and root that build balanced personality to contribute
in the society. Unhappy family creates disaffection,
pain and frustration that give rise to broken personality,
full of confusion. Distortion in family leads towards
'distorted personality' who could turn to be dangers
to society and even to humanity. Unhappy and distorted
families have their own root causes.
A
Question to think about
: What
moral values and feelings should be at the heart of
our family life?
What
are the ingredients of a blessed family?
Love
Love
is at the core of family life. It is the gel that produces
a rock-solid relationship among the members. Love emanates
from heart. Hearts joinand create the fountain of love
between people. Love is imbedded in human nature and
a gift from Allah. Human history has exceptional stories
on love affairs. Love for one's own children is obvious.
But love between husband and wife, the two grown up
people, needs nurturing. Pure physical attraction can
not create love or maintain it for long. Attraction
before marriage that gives rise to the romance of 'boy-friend,
girl-friend' relationship in the modern West most often
fails in the test and ends up in changed relationship.
People looking for a 'family life' can contribute to
permanent love. They have the best chance to succeed
in their relationship. An Islamic vision of life in
the family makes love exceptionally rewarding. This
needs Allah's special blessing without which men and
women could be in the pit of fire (al-Qur'an 8:63).
Love should not be blind, except for Islam. Islam demands
unconditional love for Allah and His messenger, above
anything else, including one's life. (al-Qur'an 9:24).
Love between parents transmit to children. Children
growing up in a family where parents lack minimum level
of love may grow up with emptiness. Love has external
manifestation and that is natural. This should not be
so ostentatious that it creates public indecency. Ostentatious
love in public is not consistent with Islamic and human
decency and as such deplorable.
A
Question to think about
: The
strongest bond of love is between Allah and his creation.
In which other forms can love exist?
Kindness,
Care and Compassion
These
tender feelings are at the heart of family and social
life. Allah, "Most Gracious, Most Merciful" (al-Qur'an
1:2), has created man out of His love and mercy and
demands from us the same. Have mercy on those in the
land, so that the One in Heaven will have mercy on you.
(Sunan al-Tirmidhi) Allah is kind and He loves kindness
in all affairs. (Sahih al-Bukhari and Muslim). He who
is deprived of leniency is deprived of goodness. (Muslim)
When Allah, the Exalted, wills some good towards the
people of a household, He introduces kindness among
them. (al-Musnad, Sahih al-Jaami). Allah loves kindness
and rewards it in such away that He does not reward
for harshness or anything else. (Sahih Muslim) Children
deprived of kindness and compassion in their childhood
are punished for no fault of their own. Parental indifferences
and ill temper kill their childhood and may rob them
of their future happiness.
Respect
One
who does not respect the elders and show kindness to
the young ones is not among us. (Hadith) Human beings
are the manifestation of divine will, with Allah's 'spirit
in each of them, and as such deserve due respect. Every
human being grows up with certain traits of personality.
Even the twin brothers or sisters have unique characteristics.
Respect for an individual is a natural demand that brings
reciprocity. We all learn from each other, even from
a tiny baby. Every one has opinion on different aspects
of life. Respect for opinion and the freedom of expression
give rise to motivation and creativity. Of course, the
formulation and expression of opinions depend on family
and social environment. Positive encouragement is essential
to achieve these. Even though family members live under
the same roof, every one has a world of his own that
needs to be respected. As children grow older, they
need to learn the etiquette of a Muslim house. Islam
teaches decency, and family is the first institution
where they should learn them. Islam requires members
of the household to seek permission when entering into
another person's room. Parents, of course, need to know
what is happening in their children's world, but they
should do this with full honesty and without being intrusive
and insensitive.
A
Question to think about
: Explain the ideology that parents and children
need to respect each other. ?
Consultation
Allah
(SWT) has commanded believers to conduct their affairs
and settle their differences in consultation (al-Qur'an
3:159, 42:38). It is illuminating that Allah (SWT) discussed
with His angels about His plan to create man on earth.
This is mentioned in the Qur'an. Consultation is the
prophetic way of life, which Prophet Muhammd (pbuh)
practised in his domestic and public life. In order
to teach his ummah of the importance of consultation
he even decided to go against his own opinion in the
battle of Uhud. Consultation produces confidence, trust,
interest, mutual respect and team spirit in the family.
It enhances creativity and responsible outlook among
members of the family. It gives a sense of ownership
in everybody's mind, which is essential for any venture
to succeed. It helps cure the disease of arrogance and
egotism. It is the pillar of successful Islamic social
life. Consultation in a family creates lively and dynamic
environment. However, consultation needs diligence and
relevance. Loyalty Loyalty has relational aspect and
a wider meaning. The minimum requirement in a family
is that husband and wife must be loyal to each other
in their marital relationship. Infidelity is a grave
sin, punishable in harshest manner. While fidelity is
rewarding in both the worlds, infidelity brings suspicion,
mental torture, frustration and a 'hellish' atmosphere
in this world and a real Hell in the Hereafter. In the
wider sense, a family blends together through loyalty
and trust among its members. In the history of mankind,
family loyalty extended to tribal loyalty and created
kingdoms and civilisations. 'Asabiya' (or tribal loyalty)
was at the heart of pre-Islamic Arab features. Islam
refined its dynamic and powerful features with a view
to creating a 'global ummah'. Its potent force held
sway and created an unparalleled civilisation. Ibn Khaldun,
al-Muqaddimah. Compromise and Sacrifice Family is about
generations of close knit people living together, with
shared space and other material resources. Sharing itself
needs compromise and sacrifice.
Sacrifice
has many dimensions. Proper spending of time and wealth
for the family is also sacrifice and in Islam this is
treated as worship. Sacrificing one's opinion for wider
benefit is also difficult for many. Sacrifice starts
from the conscious understanding of what it means. It
is an inescapable phenomenon in the world of creating
human destiny, in Islamic work. Sacrifice is linked
to self-surrender to Allah and the fullest conviction
for Islam. It is an essential Islamic training that
builds an individual's character and personality in
order that he plays a meaningful role on earth. Sacrifice
of the last Prophet (pbuh) and his blessed companions,
in the wake of insurmountable barrier, was the stepping
stone for the ascendancy of Islam. The history of mankind
teaches one single message, e.g., sacrifice is at the
core of victory.
A
Question to think about
: What is the importance of 'sacrifice'?
Justice
Justice
is at the heart of Allah's creative design. The creation
of Heaven and Hell is because of this unfulfilled justice
on earth. The Arabic words, 'Qist' and 'Adl', are very
wider indeed. Justice is inter-twined with Truth. Maintaining
proper balance between rights and responsibilities is
also justice. Justice in the family does not necessarily
mean equal share in everything for every one. In real
world, Justice means equitable and balanced dealings.
Most importantly, dealings in the family should not
be seen as unjust, especially by the children. We may
not be fully aware, children are keen observers of what
happens around them and what their parents say or do.
It becomes all the more important that parents become
extra cautious in their behaviour and dealings. Family
is a mini-state and justice established there has impact
on the society. Openness and Transparency When parents
are open and transparent in their affairs, they have
tremendous positive effect on the children. This may
sometimes put parents on the spot, but this is what
it should be. Prophet Muhammad's (pbuh) personal and
family life was in the full glare of history. If parents
attempt to hide some of their bad habits from their
children, they have serious negative consequences on
the children's personality. Muslim parents cannot play
the role of Jekyll and Hyde.
Islamic
Ethos
Establishment
of an Islamic ethos in the house is the parental responsibility.
Children do contribute to that, according to their age
and maturity. When rituals and spirit of Islam are consciously
cultivated and practised in a family, they create a
dynamic and happy environment where each member guards
the other from evil. This gives rise to a positive learning
atmosphere in the society.
A
Question to think about
: How can we establish Islamic ethos in our homes?
Supplication
Supplication
for children by the parents is rewarding. Allah likes
this. This is a prophetic practice. It creates love
and respect for each other. The Qur'an and Hadith books
contain many supplications of this nature.
A
Question to think about
: Which duas (supplications) should we try to
recite on a daily basis?
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